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Self Harming - WORK IN PROGRESS

With Self Harming the individual wants to be anyone but themselves  because of the hurt and pain that they are suffering. With these photographs which I have taken they are mirror photographs, it is the photograph of the individual looking and feeling horrible and the other photograph is when she is feeling great and confident about herself.

The photograph is of the individual touching the mirror with one hand  (for both photographs) the reason behind this is because one is the attacker and the other is the victim but they are both on, and touching the hands are connecting them as one. This is connecting the attacker and

victim together as one because when it comes to Self Harming individuals they are this attacker and victim and are very much as one when they are harming themselves, and I feel portraying the attacker and victim this way is a powerful yet great way to present them for others to see. 

Self Harming - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

Just like the other post about what she is seeing in the mirror. My friend did not say this but we came up with the idea together and as she knows what goes through a Self Harming individual we came up with hanging. A lot of people hang themselves because of Self Harming and them feeling depressed and worthless, and even though my friend did not have any thoughts about hanging we thought we would touch upon it because many people do either follow through with hanging or they are caught just in time.

This photograph is my friend using a scarf to hang herself because hanging victims are able to use anything to hang themselves with and the mirror photograph is of my friend putting the scarf on with her outfit and going to have a fun time. With these photographs I do find them powerful and they are a message because this is what Self Harming individuals go through everyday, they see themselves different to what others see them as, and they do need help and asking for help is a lot easier said than done for these individuals but I feel that these photographs are speaking volumes and they are powerful in a lot of ways and speak to other individuals who are suffering just as much.

Self Harming - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

When I was looking at and researching into Self Harming, there was many things which were going on through my head, but when I came to the idea of using what the individual sees and what  others see I had a brilliant idea and thought it would be great to capture what she actually does to herself which others do not know about but then take a photo of her mirroring what she is doing but using an object which she is not going to Self Harm with.

With Self Harming and my project I did not want to use a knife or any kind of sharp object as I wanted to be a little bit different and not all the same, in one photograph I have got her to grip her throat as if she is strangling herself the reason behind this is because even though she is not bleeding she is still abusing herself and it is representing this victim and attacker thing as well because she is strangling herself but in the other photograph which is being mirrored she is doing a different  movement which is what others are seeing and she is playing the victim in that.

With the photograph I have used her hands to strangle herself, she has placed them against her throat and it looks really powerful and something which would upset anyone who knows this individual it is when she is looking at herself in the mirror and what she sees, so her make up is still tired and feeling worthless. The other photograph which I have taken and is mirroring the strangling photograph is her putting on a necklace for a night out, and this is what her friends and family see her doing they are unaware that when she looks in the mirror she is something completely different and that is what happens with Self Harming victims.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

Another powerful photograph which I have taken is a photo of my individual with her make up and her feeling tired, sad and worthless and written help on her phone and placed it by her mouth, the reason behind why I have done this is because a lot of the time Self Harming individuals do not know how to ask for help they are too scared to ask for help and they worry about what the outcome may be if they do ask for help, they may seem weak and powerless and they would make them feel worse about themselves.

When I was taking this photograph I asked my friend could she ask for help and her responses was what I thought it would be and it was No! I was not actually surprised when she responded  that because throughout this research I have found that individuals do not tell anyone what is happening to them and they do not go and ask for help when they need it mostly. Not only do they need the help but the help is out their to help them and to listen to them but also to gain understanding of what is going on with them.

I feel that this photograph is a really powerful image because she is asking for help even though she is not actually speaking those words she is trying to shout them out and her way to ask for help is to write it down, but not only that but the make up is another thing which is making the photograph powerful, her eyes are all red and she is crying, she looks tired and feels worthless and I feel that her make up is expressing how she feels and that she does want help she just does not know how to ask or how to look for it.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

In my last blog post I mentioned about how I wanted to portray how she felt when she looked at herself in the mirror when she was Self Harming herself, and I have taken more photographs of her, but in this post I wanted to mention about what other people saw when they looked at her .. did they see the tired, worthless individuals she saw or did they see this beautiful. normal individual who is loving life and that is just what they see. Asking her what did her other friends see when she would hang out with them and she said that they did not know what was going on, they thought she was normal and having a great time, she mentioned to me that they did not even ask if anything was wrong because she did not even show anything which would make them question if something was wrong or not.

This photograph of my individual is of her looking beautiful and on her way to meet friends, I have done her make up in a way that she feels and looks confident in herself and is happy with herself but that is just that she is not happy with herself and this particular time but it is confusing individuals, because while researching this I have noticed that Self Harming individuals do not like to tell others that they are suffering they are suffering on their own and they will take time to open up about what is actually happening to them but if they are not ready they are able to hide what they are suffering and are able to put on a brave face to others when they are actually shouting out for help inside.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

After looking more in depth about Self Harming and the victim v attacker aspect of it, I thought it would be great for me to try out photography on my individual and see how I could use make up to design a self harming individual but also a normal individual.

What I thought about first and what I asked my friend was what did she see in the mirror when she used to Self Harm, the reason why is because I wanted to be able to portray this through make up. She said to me that she felt worthless, but not only that but she felt ugly, sad, not at peace with herself, tired, she felt as if she could not get better no matter what she did, and the way I have done her make up is I have wanted her to look tired and worn out but also sad and not feeling good about herself, I wanted to be able to portray what she had mentioned to me and how she felt to make a promise to her that I would treat this project with care and respect.

I feel that my photography could have more work done to it but at the moment for a starting point and something to get feedback on I feel that it can only get better from here.

Half of a Face - Ideas

I am not sure who the photographer is of this incredible photograph but I though it was beautiful. I would like to create this in my final project with Self Harming, I feel this would represent Self Harming because the individual is two people the victim and the attacker and portraying that with the make up covering up the pain they are going through and the other side is showing the pain they are going through and I thought it would be a great way to showcase it.

This photograph is beautiful, I love how it is a drag artist and they have made half of his side  this beautiful women which he is by night and then the other side is his day to day face which is what others see, and I feel that Self Harming is exactly this, they are trying to hide themselves or what they have done to themselves so dressing up and covering up their scars is making them feel comfortable that no body knows what they are actually doing, and this is what the guy is doing here, he is hiding the fact that he dressing up as a women.

Mirror Images - What you see and what you really are.

Looking at mirror images, you are seeing things which other may not be able to see. Majority of the time you see an image of someone in the mirror looking at themselves and thinking they are either fatter  than what they are. 

But with the image that I have found it is the other way around, it is a fatter guy looking at himself in the mirror and wishing he was a fitter and slimmer guy that what he is, I thought this was good because it is showing the other side of individuals feeling that they want to change and it is a fresh knowing that it is not only skinny or underweight individuals thinking they are bigger than what they are but it is also overweight individuals who want to change as well. 

The reason also why I liked this photograph was because it was a mirror photograph and experimenting with mirror photographs is what I am trying out for my project and the way they are presenting the photograph, I feel that trying out and looking at other photographs who have done mirror work will make me confident and make me try out more things. 

Scott Adams was the guy behind the photograph and something which he said towards the end of the photograph really made sense he stated ' your mirror is giving you excellent, accurate feedback. Use it to create the healthy, active lifestyle that you want.' 

Self Harming - Ideas - Photo - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

With Self Harming there is a lot more than just the attacker stage of things it is a lot more emotional. What I wanted to take photographs of is the leading up to the individual attacking themselves and what they would go through. My friend who harmed herself told me what she was going through when she was about to attack herself and this is what my photograph is portraying.

My friend said that she would sit on the floor and put her head in her hands and what everything to go away, she would think of things in her head such as kill, self harm, death, destroy because that is what she as doing to her body and what she wanted to follow through with, she would cuddle her toys because they would comfort her when she was going through this, she thought they were the only things that could support her. She was the victim and attacker during this because she is the victim in the fact that she did not want to do it and her cuddle toys were trying to comfort her and trying to make her not do it, but the thoughts that were going around her head was the attacker coming through and making things worse for her and she felt the only way to stop them going round her head is to actually follow through with it.

I have taken the photograph in black and white and normal because I was unsure on what would look better and what would represent the self harming aspect of things in a better light, I do like the black and white photograph as I feel the words stand out more and individuals are able to notice them more when they are looking at the photograph.

Self Harming - Ideas - Photos - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

While I was taking the photograph of the mirror I thought it would be a good idea to get my friend to hold the knife and have attacker v victim of her hands. The reason behind this is because I thought it would grasp the true element of what my photographs are portraying.

I have put attacker on the hand which is holding the handle of the knife because the attacker holds the object or weapon which they are going to attack with and on the hand which is holding the blade victim this is because she will become the victim of the  blade even though she is the one in control of the blade, the message was good for the photographs which I am taking.

Again the photo is in black and white because I wanted to make it classy and sophisticated which I feel black and white photography always does no matter what the photo is of, even self harming can make it look classy and presentable.

Self Harming - Ideas - Photos - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

Now that I have a solid idea what I wanted to focus more on, it was time to get down to do the photographs. My friend who I am photographing is willing to help me 100% which is great and she is helping me gain an understanding of what she went through in every photograph which I have taken.

Firstly the photograph I took was in the mirror it is reflecting on what Tom Husser  had photographed with his images, even though I did not want them to be the exact same I still took that idea and created something which I thought represented what I wanted to  portray.

In my photograph you can see the young individual who harms herself looking at herself in the mirror, but holding a knife behind her back, this is were the victim v attacker is present because from the front she look a normal girl who has her life ahead of her, but she is also the attacker and the one who is ruining what she has in front of her, the shape of the mirror is also something which is unusual as it is a wave one, it may cause confusion to individuals which I think represents well with my project and especially my photograph.

I decided to edit the photograph and change it to black and white, black and white is something which will never go out of date but not only that but black and white is classy and sophisticated, I feel that this subject should be approached in a classy and well respected way as it is someone live which I am portraying through photographs.






    

Ideas - Tom Hussey

I'm back looking at Tom Hussey and his photography work, I think that his work is brilliant. I found a quote which Tom Hussey had said about his photography work. He stated that his photography ' It's a combination of lighting and storytelling meant to evoke an emotion. I believe that lighting plays a big part in how people react to the emotion being portrayed in my images' and this is why I like his work so much, the picture does tell a story and all these emotions are coming over you while you are viewing the photograph, it is just brilliant.

A photograph which touched me that Tom Hussey had taken was of this women who was abusing her body with drinking alcohol and smoking. I thought this could relate to my project because even though my project is about Self Harming and the victim v the attacker this photograph could help me in that aspect of things, because this individual is abusing themselves with alcohol and smoking so it is the same as the victim v the attacker because majority of the time they do not actually want to be drinking and smoking but the attacker in them is forcing them and encourgaing them to follow through with something that they would rather get help for and sort themselves out with.

I do feel that this photograph relates in so many ways, and even though other individuals looking at the photograph may have different emotions towards it but my emotions are the same as when I look at a Self Harming photograph is that these individuals need help and they are asking for help but they are going the wrong way about it, instead of speaking out about their problems they are abusing their bodies hoping that someone will take notice of them.

 

Self Harming - Ideas

Still on the aspect of ideas and creating more ideas for my final image. I am still keeping to the aspect of mirrors and I have found a photographer who really captures the true essence of what they are actually taking and it will really create and have influence within my final photographers.

The photographer is Texas based Tom Hussey, his photographer which really touched me was the old man looking at himself in the mirror as a younger himself and in the forces, it is him reflecting on what he has been throughout his life and it is very touching and moving.

I feel this photograph can influence me due to the fact that when it comes to Self Harming individuals they look at themselves and see a different person they do not see themselves but they see another version of themselves a better version of themselves in a matter of fact, which in a way this photograph is doing, it is showing the old man looking back on his days as a solider and reflecting on the things he has done may be they were his best days of his life and it is the same for a Self Harming individual they want to go back to a place where they felt at their best.

Self Harming - Ideas

While researching more  into mirrors and finding other photographers I have found one in particular which I find very moving especially because I am doing Self Harming and this photograph could represent Self Harming or it could represent violence, which is my idea for my final images.

The photographer is Bhanu Ahluwalia and they do photograph of  Surreal Multiplicity. The meaning of Multiplicity is a photography technique in which the same person is photographed from different angles and directions and then the bunch of photographs are digitally re-mastered in Photoshop showing clones of the person doing different things all in one photo. I think this is really creative and possibly something which may be adapted into my final Self Harming photograph.

The photograph which I feel is best for me to gain inspiration from is called 'what you don't know can indeed hurt you' the name speaks for itself I feel, just as much as the photograph. With Self Harming I believe that what you don't know can indeed hurt you because that is speaking to the individual who is Self Harming family as when they know what is happening it will indeed hurt them, knowing that someone they are close to is going through such a horrible time. This photograph can be represented in many ways but it is something which I was heading towards and it could possibly help develop my idea further.

Mirrors - Ideas

As my idea I want to look at the victim v the attacker when it comes to self harming, I thought that mirrors would be a great way of portraying this victim v attacker aspect of the project because it is something different but majority of the time self harming individuals do not like looking at themselves in the mirror as they see a different person than what they really are.

I have been looking at Kate McCauley and David Seidner photography of mirrors and I find their photography very interesting as they use mirrors in a very odd but creative way. Even though their photography does not focus on self harming I do feel that I could use inspiration from them and adapt it into my photography work. The image which really grabs my attention is an image which features someone who is in a wedding dress but it looks as if the mirror has broken and they have pieced the mirror back together, this photography can give off so many meanings, does it mean that if you piece things together you are able to move on? or does it mean that even though you've fixed everything the cracks are still showing?

And this is why I liked this photograph because with self harming it is giving off this feeling that you may be healed but self harming will always be with you. I do not want to re create this photograph but I do feel it will help me develop my already made idea solid.

Self Harm - photographs

As my idea is looking at the victim v the attacker with Self Harming I have come across this photograph by Multicoloured and the image is titled 'Silence' just by the title I was drawn to it because with Self Harming the person is silent they feel that they can't speak to anyone and they are alone in the situation.

When I looked at the photograph I thought this shows the victim v the attacker she is holding a knife to her throat with tape around her mouth and to me this image is yes a Self Harming image but it is looking as if she has been kidnapped and being  attacked which I feel fits in well with the project which I want to go down and focus on. 

Self Harm - interview with my subject. - Idea

I have currently under gone an interview with my subject who has gone through Self Harming herself, I thought that by doing an interview I would be able to get an understanding in her mind of what she went through while she was Self Harming. Not only was I able to get an understanding of how she felt but when it comes to my final image I am able to listen back to the interview and portray what she is saying through pictures so an audience can see what she is going through.

Within the interview I asked the question 'why did you start to self harm' and I just let her explain, I didn't want her to think that I was being to nosey I wanted her to be comfortable with telling me about her experience so I thought if I let her just explain to me what happened she would be open and more comfortable to just speak about it without being cut off and having to move on quickly.

Throughout the interview she opened up how she Self Harmed due to putting on weight and not feeling great about herself and because of that she tend to eat more and more because she was in that frame of mind. She also opened up about her brother, he is 5 years older than her and he went through a lot growing up which she had to witness and something which sticks out for her is the fact that he abused alcohol and became an alcoholic, she Self Harmed because of that she didn't know how to deal with it and her way out was to Self Harm, and another time which she thought would be the last time was when she saw her mum going through adultery with another man and not her dad which was to her 'the most heartbreaking time' she said that her and her mum had many arguments over it and she didn't know how to approach the subject to anyone as her brother was going through his troubles, her mum was going through hers and her dad was trying to just get the family back together so her only escape was to harm herself and cause herself pain instead of hurting and breaking her family when they had so much going on already.

She thought that she had stopped Self Harming but when she came to University in September for 1st year thats when it started again, she reason why she Self Harmed in 1st year of University was because it was a new place for her and she couldn't get to grips with everything going on around her it was a new experience for her and it took a lot for her to get used to.

I then asked her in the interview 'do you think that people should get help if they need it' and she replied by saying that it depends on the individual, everyone who Self Harms is different in so many ways and sometimes it is harder to explain what is happening to you, she then went on to say it is easier for someone who is not Self Harming to say you need help and support and try and get back on track which I do agree with her and it is the same with an addiction you can only ask for help if you want help yourself others there is no point in asking for help if your just going to go back to what you were like before. 


Thankfully now she hasn't Self Harmed since 1st year of University so hopefully she has over come that stage of her life and is moving on but she will always have that support from friends if she needs them. 

Self Harm - Ideas

This photographer which I have now researched is Marie Mystery. Her photography is touching upon Self Harming.

One image that stood out for me was a girl that had her arms up and on her arms wrote ' I hurt myself, so you can't', this image could be seen at in a lot of different ways, the view I'm looking at it from is yes someone who hurting her feelings but she is the one who is then hurting herself so being the attacker. I do feel the message ' I hurt myself, so you can't ' could possibly relate to a lot of Self Harming victims due to there is always something which is going on behind the scenes for them to Self Harm and cause pain to themselves.

I do feel that this victim v attacker is something which should be approached when it comes to Self Harming because yes they are the victim but they are causing that pain on themselves so are becoming the attacker once that knife or whatever equipment they are using touches their skin they are attacking themselves.

  

Self Harming - Ideas

Now that I have an idea of what I want to do for my final images is it now finding the support and creating ideas from other photographers who have may be done something similar or something where I can adapt it as a victim v attacker photograph.

I have found a photographer called Peter Dazeley  who looks at Self Harming, and one image which speaks out to me is of a teenage boy who is cutting his arms with a pocket knife and you are able to see that the boy is the one who is harming himself and the audience are able to see that. I could look at it in the perspective of the victim v attacker even if the photographer was not meant for the image to portray that sort of meaning.

With my image though I am not sure if I will use any objects such as knives or lighter etc. on the skin because I feel that is too common, I would like to change my photograph up a bit and not make it seem the same as the photographers I have been researching into.

Self Harming - Ideas

While researching into Self Harming I have found it interesting and seeing that a lot of individuals are going though this on a daily basis.

But one thing that stands out from me and something which I have discussed with my lecturer is that people are always thinking that when someone Self Harms they are the victim of something may be bullying or not feeling prettier enough etc. but what people don't think is that these individuals who are Self Harming themselves are actually the attacker as well as the victim. I know some people will find this hard to believe because for example  if someone is bullied and Self Harming surely the person who was being the bully is the attacker but what I argue is that bully is not putting a knife to their wrist or their leg the person who is Self Harming is the victim and the attacker but probably without even realising that they are.

My idea for my final images is going to be something along the lines of this victim v attacker. I feel that it will portray a strong image and a strong insight to what actually happens with a someone who Self Harms. I also want people to gain an understanding that Self Harming is a self inflicted thing for someone to do all they need is that one reason to do something like that to themselves. Another reason why I want to do this victim v attacker is because while I have been researching into Self Harming for this project  I have not once seen this being portrayed, I seen photographers portray Self Harming but nobody has been portraying this victim v attacker aspect and I feel it will open people up more about Self Harming and make them think twice about it.

Self Harming Awareness Date

Self Harming is something which I have gained to understand happens to a lot of individuals. While researching into this particular topic I have been able to create a greater understanding of Self Harming and the effects it has on individuals.

I was happy to know that on the 1st March it was SAD day ( Self Harm Awareness Day) and the reason why this made me so happy was that it  was being recognised. I never knew that there was a day where the issue of Self Harming was noticed and talked about. I feel having a day like this will bring more individuals together and be able to get these individuals who Self Harm able to speak  out about there issues and get help for it, because without a Self Harm Awareness Day individuals won't know where to go but at least the issue is being approached and society are able to show the community that Self Harming is a greater issue and it is becoming more and more noticeable within individuals.