As my idea is looking at the victim v the attacker with Self Harming I have come across this photograph by Multicoloured and the image is titled 'Silence' just by the title I was drawn to it because with Self Harming the person is silent they feel that they can't speak to anyone and they are alone in the situation.
When I looked at the photograph I thought this shows the victim v the attacker she is holding a knife to her throat with tape around her mouth and to me this image is yes a Self Harming image but it is looking as if she has been kidnapped and being attacked which I feel fits in well with the project which I want to go down and focus on.
I have currently under gone an interview with my subject who has gone through Self Harming herself, I thought that by doing an interview I would be able to get an understanding in her mind of what she went through while she was Self Harming. Not only was I able to get an understanding of how she felt but when it comes to my final image I am able to listen back to the interview and portray what she is saying through pictures so an audience can see what she is going through.
Within the interview I asked the question 'why did you start to self harm' and I just let her explain, I didn't want her to think that I was being to nosey I wanted her to be comfortable with telling me about her experience so I thought if I let her just explain to me what happened she would be open and more comfortable to just speak about it without being cut off and having to move on quickly.
Throughout the interview she opened up how she Self Harmed due to putting on weight and not feeling great about herself and because of that she tend to eat more and more because she was in that frame of mind. She also opened up about her brother, he is 5 years older than her and he went through a lot growing up which she had to witness and something which sticks out for her is the fact that he abused alcohol and became an alcoholic, she Self Harmed because of that she didn't know how to deal with it and her way out was to Self Harm, and another time which she thought would be the last time was when she saw her mum going through adultery with another man and not her dad which was to her 'the most heartbreaking time' she said that her and her mum had many arguments over it and she didn't know how to approach the subject to anyone as her brother was going through his troubles, her mum was going through hers and her dad was trying to just get the family back together so her only escape was to harm herself and cause herself pain instead of hurting and breaking her family when they had so much going on already.
She thought that she had stopped Self Harming but when she came to University in September for 1st year thats when it started again, she reason why she Self Harmed in 1st year of University was because it was a new place for her and she couldn't get to grips with everything going on around her it was a new experience for her and it took a lot for her to get used to.
I then asked her in the interview 'do you think that people should get help if they need it' and she replied by saying that it depends on the individual, everyone who Self Harms is different in so many ways and sometimes it is harder to explain what is happening to you, she then went on to say it is easier for someone who is not Self Harming to say you need help and support and try and get back on track which I do agree with her and it is the same with an addiction you can only ask for help if you want help yourself others there is no point in asking for help if your just going to go back to what you were like before.
Thankfully now she hasn't Self Harmed since 1st year of University so hopefully she has over come that stage of her life and is moving on but she will always have that support from friends if she needs them.
This photographer which I have now researched is Marie Mystery. Her photography is touching upon Self Harming.
One image that stood out for me was a girl that had her arms up and on her arms wrote ' I hurt myself, so you can't', this image could be seen at in a lot of different ways, the view I'm looking at it from is yes someone who hurting her feelings but she is the one who is then hurting herself so being the attacker. I do feel the message ' I hurt myself, so you can't ' could possibly relate to a lot of Self Harming victims due to there is always something which is going on behind the scenes for them to Self Harm and cause pain to themselves.
I do feel that this victim v attacker is something which should be approached when it comes to Self Harming because yes they are the victim but they are causing that pain on themselves so are becoming the attacker once that knife or whatever equipment they are using touches their skin they are attacking themselves.
Now that I have an idea of what I want to do for my final images is it now finding the support and creating ideas from other photographers who have may be done something similar or something where I can adapt it as a victim v attacker photograph.
I have found a photographer called Peter Dazeley who looks at Self Harming, and one image which speaks out to me is of a teenage boy who is cutting his arms with a pocket knife and you are able to see that the boy is the one who is harming himself and the audience are able to see that. I could look at it in the perspective of the victim v attacker even if the photographer was not meant for the image to portray that sort of meaning.
With my image though I am not sure if I will use any objects such as knives or lighter etc. on the skin because I feel that is too common, I would like to change my photograph up a bit and not make it seem the same as the photographers I have been researching into.
While researching into Self Harming I have found it interesting and seeing that a lot of individuals are going though this on a daily basis.
But one thing that stands out from me and something which I have discussed with my lecturer is that people are always thinking that when someone Self Harms they are the victim of something may be bullying or not feeling prettier enough etc. but what people don't think is that these individuals who are Self Harming themselves are actually the attacker as well as the victim. I know some people will find this hard to believe because for example if someone is bullied and Self Harming surely the person who was being the bully is the attacker but what I argue is that bully is not putting a knife to their wrist or their leg the person who is Self Harming is the victim and the attacker but probably without even realising that they are.
My idea for my final images is going to be something along the lines of this victim v attacker. I feel that it will portray a strong image and a strong insight to what actually happens with a someone who Self Harms. I also want people to gain an understanding that Self Harming is a self inflicted thing for someone to do all they need is that one reason to do something like that to themselves. Another reason why I want to do this victim v attacker is because while I have been researching into Self Harming for this project I have not once seen this being portrayed, I seen photographers portray Self Harming but nobody has been portraying this victim v attacker aspect and I feel it will open people up more about Self Harming and make them think twice about it.
Self Harming is something which I have gained to understand happens to a lot of individuals. While researching into this particular topic I have been able to create a greater understanding of Self Harming and the effects it has on individuals.
I was happy to know that on the 1st March it was SAD day ( Self Harm Awareness Day) and the reason why this made me so happy was that it was being recognised. I never knew that there was a day where the issue of Self Harming was noticed and talked about. I feel having a day like this will bring more individuals together and be able to get these individuals who Self Harm able to speak out about there issues and get help for it, because without a Self Harm Awareness Day individuals won't know where to go but at least the issue is being approached and society are able to show the community that Self Harming is a greater issue and it is becoming more and more noticeable within individuals.
Even though my friend is willing to be apart of my project, I still wanted to get outsiders stories of self harming and mental illness and that's where Young Minds Charity came in.
Young Minds is a great charity which helps individuals through a very difficult and sensitive period of time for them. They give them support and somebody to talk to who they trust completely. While on their website I saw real life stories of some individuals who were willing to tell their stories to outsiders but also individuals who were coming to the site and seeking that help, making them understand that they aren't the only one who is suffering.
It really touched me reading some of these stories because even though my friend had been affected by it and recovered it still goes on and it is seen as taboo in a lot of ways. There was a lot of stories which people represent with self harming for example Hanroun's story is about bullying and how he got into a gang and was convicted of assault, he would punish himself because of the colour of his skin and the things other individuals would say to him, which is disgusting and wrong but in the nicest possible way bullying is talked about nation wide but what surprised me is the amount of individuals who had ADHD and yes we do hear of it but I don't feel like we hear about it enough. It is mostly common within boys and it is a struggling time for them.
Fred was an individual who suffered from ADHD and he got depressed because he wasn't able to hold down a stable job, he would get into trouble with the police as they thought he was making up excuses, the sad thing is that he still keeps it a secret from employers and friends of his. He had changed his name to Fred on the Young Minds website as he does not want peers to know about his secret.
I find this very upsetting as I feel individuals should never suffer in silent but also should never be ashamed of who they are or what they have, everybody is unique in certain ways, and I do feel that mental illness in the form of ADHD and self harming is still taboo and needs to be spoken about more often and individuals should never be scared to ask for help.
