When I was looking at and researching into Self Harming, there was many things which were going on through my head, but when I came to the idea of using what the individual sees and what others see I had a brilliant idea and thought it would be great to capture what she actually does to herself which others do not know about but then take a photo of her mirroring what she is doing but using an object which she is not going to Self Harm with.
With Self Harming and my project I did not want to use a knife or any kind of sharp object as I wanted to be a little bit different and not all the same, in one photograph I have got her to grip her throat as if she is strangling herself the reason behind this is because even though she is not bleeding she is still abusing herself and it is representing this victim and attacker thing as well because she is strangling herself but in the other photograph which is being mirrored she is doing a different movement which is what others are seeing and she is playing the victim in that.
With the photograph I have used her hands to strangle herself, she has placed them against her throat and it looks really powerful and something which would upset anyone who knows this individual it is when she is looking at herself in the mirror and what she sees, so her make up is still tired and feeling worthless. The other photograph which I have taken and is mirroring the strangling photograph is her putting on a necklace for a night out, and this is what her friends and family see her doing they are unaware that when she looks in the mirror she is something completely different and that is what happens with Self Harming victims.
Another powerful photograph which I have taken is a photo of my individual with her make up and her feeling tired, sad and worthless and written help on her phone and placed it by her mouth, the reason behind why I have done this is because a lot of the time Self Harming individuals do not know how to ask for help they are too scared to ask for help and they worry about what the outcome may be if they do ask for help, they may seem weak and powerless and they would make them feel worse about themselves.
When I was taking this photograph I asked my friend could she ask for help and her responses was what I thought it would be and it was No! I was not actually surprised when she responded that because throughout this research I have found that individuals do not tell anyone what is happening to them and they do not go and ask for help when they need it mostly. Not only do they need the help but the help is out their to help them and to listen to them but also to gain understanding of what is going on with them.
I feel that this photograph is a really powerful image because she is asking for help even though she is not actually speaking those words she is trying to shout them out and her way to ask for help is to write it down, but not only that but the make up is another thing which is making the photograph powerful, her eyes are all red and she is crying, she looks tired and feels worthless and I feel that her make up is expressing how she feels and that she does want help she just does not know how to ask or how to look for it.
In my last blog post I mentioned about how I wanted to portray how she felt when she looked at herself in the mirror when she was Self Harming herself, and I have taken more photographs of her, but in this post I wanted to mention about what other people saw when they looked at her .. did they see the tired, worthless individuals she saw or did they see this beautiful. normal individual who is loving life and that is just what they see. Asking her what did her other friends see when she would hang out with them and she said that they did not know what was going on, they thought she was normal and having a great time, she mentioned to me that they did not even ask if anything was wrong because she did not even show anything which would make them question if something was wrong or not.
This photograph of my individual is of her looking beautiful and on her way to meet friends, I have done her make up in a way that she feels and looks confident in herself and is happy with herself but that is just that she is not happy with herself and this particular time but it is confusing individuals, because while researching this I have noticed that Self Harming individuals do not like to tell others that they are suffering they are suffering on their own and they will take time to open up about what is actually happening to them but if they are not ready they are able to hide what they are suffering and are able to put on a brave face to others when they are actually shouting out for help inside.
After looking more in depth about Self Harming and the victim v attacker aspect of it, I thought it would be great for me to try out photography on my individual and see how I could use make up to design a self harming individual but also a normal individual.
What I thought about first and what I asked my friend was what did she see in the mirror when she used to Self Harm, the reason why is because I wanted to be able to portray this through make up. She said to me that she felt worthless, but not only that but she felt ugly, sad, not at peace with herself, tired, she felt as if she could not get better no matter what she did, and the way I have done her make up is I have wanted her to look tired and worn out but also sad and not feeling good about herself, I wanted to be able to portray what she had mentioned to me and how she felt to make a promise to her that I would treat this project with care and respect.
I feel that my photography could have more work done to it but at the moment for a starting point and something to get feedback on I feel that it can only get better from here.
I am not sure who the photographer is of this incredible photograph but I though it was beautiful. I would like to create this in my final project with Self Harming, I feel this would represent Self Harming because the individual is two people the victim and the attacker and portraying that with the make up covering up the pain they are going through and the other side is showing the pain they are going through and I thought it would be a great way to showcase it.
This photograph is beautiful, I love how it is a drag artist and they have made half of his side this beautiful women which he is by night and then the other side is his day to day face which is what others see, and I feel that Self Harming is exactly this, they are trying to hide themselves or what they have done to themselves so dressing up and covering up their scars is making them feel comfortable that no body knows what they are actually doing, and this is what the guy is doing here, he is hiding the fact that he dressing up as a women.
Looking at mirror images, you are seeing things which other may not be able to see. Majority of the time you see an image of someone in the mirror looking at themselves and thinking they are either fatter than what they are.
But with the image that I have found it is the other way around, it is a fatter guy looking at himself in the mirror and wishing he was a fitter and slimmer guy that what he is, I thought this was good because it is showing the other side of individuals feeling that they want to change and it is a fresh knowing that it is not only skinny or underweight individuals thinking they are bigger than what they are but it is also overweight individuals who want to change as well.
The reason also why I liked this photograph was because it was a mirror photograph and experimenting with mirror photographs is what I am trying out for my project and the way they are presenting the photograph, I feel that trying out and looking at other photographs who have done mirror work will make me confident and make me try out more things.
Scott Adams was the guy behind the photograph and something which he said towards the end of the photograph really made sense he stated ' your mirror is giving you excellent, accurate feedback. Use it to create the healthy, active lifestyle that you want.'
With Self Harming there is a lot more than just the attacker stage of things it is a lot more emotional. What I wanted to take photographs of is the leading up to the individual attacking themselves and what they would go through. My friend who harmed herself told me what she was going through when she was about to attack herself and this is what my photograph is portraying.
My friend said that she would sit on the floor and put her head in her hands and what everything to go away, she would think of things in her head such as kill, self harm, death, destroy because that is what she as doing to her body and what she wanted to follow through with, she would cuddle her toys because they would comfort her when she was going through this, she thought they were the only things that could support her. She was the victim and attacker during this because she is the victim in the fact that she did not want to do it and her cuddle toys were trying to comfort her and trying to make her not do it, but the thoughts that were going around her head was the attacker coming through and making things worse for her and she felt the only way to stop them going round her head is to actually follow through with it.
I have taken the photograph in black and white and normal because I was unsure on what would look better and what would represent the self harming aspect of things in a better light, I do like the black and white photograph as I feel the words stand out more and individuals are able to notice them more when they are looking at the photograph.
