These are my images that I have re-sized

Link to Flickr

Even though my final images are all embedded on my blog in posts and labelled correctly thought I would just send a link for my flickr just in case . https://www.flickr.com/photos/zoelangham/ if you just highlight the link and then click go to then you will reach my Flickr. 

Merge

I forgot to add these merged photographs in. The reason why I am merging these photographs is because I believe the colour of the flowers and the black and white photographic work really well together. The colour brings out the black and white image and creates meaning to it.

The meaning behind it is that there will always be a better day ahead no matter what. Yellow represents Joy, Happiness and Energy and what these Self Harming victims need is Joy, Happiness and Energy and that is what they will get once they are fully recovered.

Revisiting Project Proposal and Research

Throughout the term my project of Self Harming has changed quite a lot. I was first researching into Mental Illness and what Mental Illness includes, I then started by getting an understanding that Self Harming was under the Mental Illness category and my focus then lead me to Self Harming. My first thing with Self Harming was looking at photographers who portrayed Self Harming in their photography work such as Larry Clark who's work was true to life about Self Harming. I thought I want my work to be like this gritty and showing the knife or razor which my victim would Self Harm with.

But that all changed once I realised that my house mate suffered from Self Harming and she spoke openly to me in an interview and told me everything about Self Harming and that it was not just the knife or razor that would hurt but everything would hurt, it would be names that was being thrown at her and what she felt about herself, so I researched into Plastic Surgery and found out that a lot of people want to change things about themselves and they harm themselves because they cannot change themselves (which is horrible to think of because everyone is beautiful in their own way). I did not want to get side track with Plastic Surgery so I just focused on Self Harming.

After realising that my house mate went through such an awful time, I then started adapting things from her interview and trying to make them come to life within a photograph, I tired using a knife and objects which you could visually see scars of but it just was not working for me. I then had the idea of mirror image and the photographer Tom Hussey really made me think twice about mirror image it was excellent the way  he was portraying memory loss and I thought I could do it from a Self Harming perspective.

Throughout the interview with my house mate she would always say how no one knew she was Self Harming, she would do it in private and then act as if everything was okay, she would not tell anyone because of other problems so she suffered in silent for a long time, but that gave me the idea for my project in the sense of mirror image what the victim sees and mirror image what others see, and that is what has come to be with my final images.

This project of Mental Illness/Self Harming has really made me realise that Self Harming is a problem and that more needs to be talked about it. Throughout my project and with my Project Proposal things have changed and I believe for the best, because before hand I thought Self Harming was about knifes and razor blades and bleeding and yes of course it is in some cases but in other cases it is not. I have learnt throughout my research that Self Harming victims will do anything to harm themselves until they get help ... Thank god my friend did and she is living and excellent, healthy, fun filled life.  

Final Image - Self Harming - FIRST IMAGE OF EXHIBITION

This is going to be my first image of my project of Self Harming. What I love about this photograph is the eyes of my victim, you can tell from which photograph is the one in which she is suffering and the one where she is happy, it is showing the contrast of both sides of Self Harming and that nobody knows what is going on apart from the victim themselves and this photograph showcases Self Harming from the victims perspective. Another reason why I find this photograph so powerful and challenge - able is because there is no object such as knife or a razor blade which they are hurting themselves with, as previously spoken about that Self Harming victims can and will use anything to harm themselves with and that is what I am portraying in my photography throughout this project, I am challenging the stereotype of Self Harming and showing a side that individuals may not know about.

Using her hands as a necklace, I thought was an interesting thing to look at because I wanted to be able to create this mirror affect and instead of the camera behind the victim I wanted the audience to be the mirror and see from the victims perspective how they feel. It is showing the audience what they see for example the victim putting on a necklace to complete the outfit, whereas the victim is seeing herself harm herself and it shocks people to know that this is actually happen and what victims of Self Harming have to go through on a day to day basis.

WITH MY EXHIBITION - this photograph is going to be A4 and in an A4 picture frame, I am putting the frame up with sticky pads a couple on the back of the picture frame and the same on the exhibition wall. I am having a bit of writing with each photo on card, which then will either go by the side of the photograph or underneath the photograph. The writing for this particular image is 'Many individuals see one side of Self Harming; it is a mirrored issue which the victim sees every day. People see them doing one thing, and they see themselves doing another'. 

Final Image - Self Harming - SECOND IMAGE OF EXHIBITION

The reason behind these two photographs combining and being merged together is the fact of this HELP aspect of Self Harming. Throughout my research I have understood that asking for help is difficult for Self Harming victims, this photograph is showing that the victim is upset and hurting but can not ask for help because she is unsure on what others will think when she says she is a victim of Self Harming. Another reason why I decided to create a photograph such as this one is because of the interview I conducted with the victim in the photograph, and she stated that it depends who the person is if they want to ask for help or not but personally she could not ask for help she needed due to family issues, so she suffered in silence where others do not know what they are going through.

I feel that this photograph is really showcasing what individuals do not see in Self Harming victims it speaks to the audience in a way which is powerful and emotional, it makes audiences question what they believe in.

WITH MY EXHIBITION - this photograph is going to be A4 and in an A4 picture frame, I am putting the frame up with sticky pads a couple being on the back of the frame and the same on the exhibition wall. I am having some writing with each photo, which will be on card and will either be to the side of the photograph or underneath the photograph. The writing for this particular image is 'Asking for HELP! Is something which is a scary process for them nobody hears them asking HELP! they suffer in silence, it is as if they are locked in their own bodies'.

Final Image - Self Harming - THIRD IMAGE OF EXHIBITION

This photography did not need to be merged together in my opinion because it has a lot of creativity itself without another photograph being brought into it. This photograph is powerful and shows the true essence of Self Harming, it is showing what the victim of Self Harming sees everyday in the mirror it will never go away. The victim can put on a brave face and tell everybody that they are okay but they really are not, and I believe that this photograph speaks that to individuals.

Why I did not want to put another photograph with this one is because I wanted my audience members t see a true picture of what my victim went through on a daily basis when she would look in the mirror. Yes I have taken photographs and merged together what others were seeing, but I feel that showing them just her on her own suffering speaks louder to the audience and show more emotion and power.

WITH MY EXHIBITION - this photograph is going to be A4 and in an A4 picture frame, I am putting the frame up with sticky pads a couple being on the back of the picture frame and the same on the exhibition wall. I am having writing with each photo, which will be on card and either be at the side of the photo or underneath the photo. The writing for this particular image is ' Self Harming victims never see the best in themselves; they feel unworthy, lost and alone trying to cope on a day to day basis'.

Final Image - Self Harming - FOURTH IMAGE FOR EXHIBITION

The message behind this image can be confusing to the audience. But what I love about the photograph is the Yellow colour of the flowers, they are bright and colourful they make a situation and person feel happy and cheerful. The message I am bringing to this image is that even though she is harming herself she is going to get through it and get better. Yellow represents energy, joy and happiness and flowers are pretty and natural, and this is where she will be once she has become happy again in herself.

I wanted the flowers to stand out and be bright to the audience because having a splash of colour within a photographic image makes the photograph happy and bright, self harming victims will get better and be back to their happiness again.  It is also showing that the victim will have a bright future after what she has been through.

WITH  MY EXHIBITION - this photograph is going to be A4 and in an A4 picture frame, I am putting the frame up with sticky pads a couple being on the back of the frame and the same on the exhibition wall. I am having written words with each photo which will be placed on card and will either be to the side or underneath my image. The writing for this particular image is ' In every cloud there is a silver lining. Yellow is represented with Joy, Energy, Happiness, even when times get  tough things can only get better. My model throughout this project is an excellent example of this.'

FINAL 18 IMAGES FINAL 18 IMAGES FINAL 18 IMAGES FINAL 18 IMAGES

Merge - old and new

Merging photographs is not only to do with everyday things but it is also to do with the old and the new. Eric Nagy is a photographer who looks at merging together old and new concepts. He states that ' I decided to retrace the steps of the original photographers, take my own shots and digitally merge them to create my take on the before and after concept'  They are fascinating hybrid photos of Philadelphia.

The reason why I was attracted to Nagy's work is because of his use with a splash of colour within his black and white photography. Even though the photograph is great as black and white, I do believe the splash of colour gives it a bit of life and create more meaning towards it, that is what I have adapted within my final image, I have used a splash of colour to create a deeper meaning towards my photograph and I do like the image with a splash of colour than without it, especially when you know the true meaning behind it.

 

Merge x1

This merge is something which I find very interesting and clever. It's from a Singapore Fashion Shoot by exposures. They have merged together a model from the Fashion Shoot with Street Photography. I think it is a very clever and amazing way to portray merging two different photographs together.

The photograph is very sophisticated, elegant and smart and it looks as if the photograph was taken as one and not merged together, I love how the photograph is in black and white and they have lit up models face and hair colour makes her stand out a little but also the shadow which she is forming it is as if she is in the picture with the black man.

This photograph really inspired me to look into merge and to create my own merge photographs.

Merge

While I have been experimenting with merge, I have come across a lot of amazing photography work which I am impressed with. One which has really caught my eye is a Swedish photographer George Chamoun, he merged together two celebrities from two different era of movie making. 
Jeannie comments on the photographs and states ' the result is an amazing display of eerie similarities between icons in our past and in our present for example, Scarlett Johansson's sexy features look uncanny familiar when framed by the original blonde bombshell, Marilyn Monroe, while Natalie Portman's innocent and pretty features are paired beautifully with Audrey Hepburn' classic gaze. The results are striking.

I believe with the quote above, the photographs are very striking and amazing, it is scary how a like some of the icons on from the past and present, but he has done an amazing job of producing merged images. Chamoun states that ' I chose to work with movie icons from two different eras. This project has been a lot about ideals, patterns and anatomy. I named the  project Iconatomy from the words icon and anatomy.

With these photographs you can look at all day an never get bored of noticing how amazing they actually are.

Merging again

Merging has made my photographs appear powerful and strong, they speak words which somebody could not express, as they say pictures speak a thousand words and I do believe that.

Doing these merges of good and bad is not only showing what self harming victims go through but also showing that they could be effected at anytime in their life, could be day, could be night, could be when they are going out to see friends it  could just appear without them knowing so that is why I am putting so much focus on these merging images because I do think it is important to understand what these individuals are going through.

I have decided not to merge this photograph because I feel this photograph on it's own is enough. It has a dark element to it and even though my other photographs have been merged together to create two different sides of Self Harming, I believe that this photograph did not need that creativity.
 

Merging together

Merging together my photographs has really shown how interesting they look together. I am merging together my images because of this mirror effect which I thought would represent Self Harming in the best form as it is showcasing that not everybody knows that individuals are going through Self Harming they see a different side to them.

I want my audience members to get a feel on how Self Harming victims see themselves and what they are experience when they are seeing themselves, as a lot of the time they can not speak out about their problems and hide away from others and themselves. I feel that these images are portraying a realistic view on what Self Harming victims see about themselves and also want individuals who do not know they are Self Harming see what it is like for that victim.

These are the two photographs which I am merging together, the reason behind it is that individuals are seeing a happy person but inside she is crying and screaming out for help but no body can hear her and she is scared to open herself to somebody to gain that help she deserves. I have decided to  change the colour into black and white to give it more an edgy feel to it.

Photo's together

I have recently been experimenting with Photoshop and I have come across merging two of my photos together. I have picked one bad one and one good one, as spoken about before I wanted to create this mirror image effect but instead of me using a direct mirror to gain this effect I thought merging them together would bring out my creativity and show the two sides of Self Harming.

I have used one photograph of my victim using her scarf to Self Harm as the bad one, what I like about this image is the eyes of my victims because they honestly tell the audience how much pain she is in, and my good photograph is of my victim putting on a necklace, it is reflecting a mirror image effect because it is showing individuals what everyone else sees (by her putting a necklace on) but then it shows us what the victim is seeing us (her self harming herself by using her scarf).

I think the photographs work well together and especially the look on her eyes they are really showing what she is feeling, I feel it is a powerful image.

You can find the merged ones together in my FINAL IMAGE 

Recovering Mental Illness

Following on from my other blog post about understanding mental illness you also have to think about the healing process of mental illness and self harming and how somebody gets to that stage within their life.

The book which helped me see the recovering healing process of mental illness was The Power of Recovery in Healing Mental Illness by Kathleen Crowley 2000 this book gave me an idea who are suffering from mental illness and the recovery which goes with healing individuals  with a certain illness such as depression and self harming, it is giving other hope.

But this book also made me understand that there is a lot of healing which goes into making somebody who suffers from mental illness better it is not just something which happens over night, and even though I knew it did not happen over night I was not expecting to find out that it was more deeper process than expected.

It helped with my project because  it then made me realise that mental illness and self harming will always be with the individual who is suffering no matter where they turn they will also be a victim of self harming and need to have that control to keep them on the right track. 

Understanding Mental Illness.

This project has really opened up my mind about Self Harming and Mental Illness. I have spoken about how photographs have helped me see how Self Harming would be created within an image but I never posted about understanding mental illness and how I came to understand what goes through somebodies mind when they are suffering before I continued on my project journey.

A book which helped me create an understanding of mental illness was 'Understanding Mental Illness' by Missouri State Library it talks about the understanding of what actually is mental illness and the different mental illnesses which are out there that may be individuals did not know came under the category of   mental illness. This book really made me acknowledge that mental illness is always around us and a lot of individuals go through some sort of mental illness throughout their lives.

Researching into mental illness and especially self harming has made me have a different thinking process of the issues which are at hand, especially reading this book and having to truly understand what someone goes through when they are suffering from a condition or an issue which is not easy to get rid of. This book really helped me gain more knowledge which I could put towards my project of Self Harming. 

ASSETS ASSETS ASSETS ASSETS ASSETS ASSETS ASSETS :) :) :)

here is a link to my Flickr account with all my assets on

(https://www.flickr.com/photos/zoelangham/with/13408326043) 

Self Harming - WORK IN PROGRESS

With Self Harming the individual wants to be anyone but themselves  because of the hurt and pain that they are suffering. With these photographs which I have taken they are mirror photographs, it is the photograph of the individual looking and feeling horrible and the other photograph is when she is feeling great and confident about herself.

The photograph is of the individual touching the mirror with one hand  (for both photographs) the reason behind this is because one is the attacker and the other is the victim but they are both on, and touching the hands are connecting them as one. This is connecting the attacker and

victim together as one because when it comes to Self Harming individuals they are this attacker and victim and are very much as one when they are harming themselves, and I feel portraying the attacker and victim this way is a powerful yet great way to present them for others to see. 

Self Harming - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

Just like the other post about what she is seeing in the mirror. My friend did not say this but we came up with the idea together and as she knows what goes through a Self Harming individual we came up with hanging. A lot of people hang themselves because of Self Harming and them feeling depressed and worthless, and even though my friend did not have any thoughts about hanging we thought we would touch upon it because many people do either follow through with hanging or they are caught just in time.

This photograph is my friend using a scarf to hang herself because hanging victims are able to use anything to hang themselves with and the mirror photograph is of my friend putting the scarf on with her outfit and going to have a fun time. With these photographs I do find them powerful and they are a message because this is what Self Harming individuals go through everyday, they see themselves different to what others see them as, and they do need help and asking for help is a lot easier said than done for these individuals but I feel that these photographs are speaking volumes and they are powerful in a lot of ways and speak to other individuals who are suffering just as much.

Self Harming - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

When I was looking at and researching into Self Harming, there was many things which were going on through my head, but when I came to the idea of using what the individual sees and what  others see I had a brilliant idea and thought it would be great to capture what she actually does to herself which others do not know about but then take a photo of her mirroring what she is doing but using an object which she is not going to Self Harm with.

With Self Harming and my project I did not want to use a knife or any kind of sharp object as I wanted to be a little bit different and not all the same, in one photograph I have got her to grip her throat as if she is strangling herself the reason behind this is because even though she is not bleeding she is still abusing herself and it is representing this victim and attacker thing as well because she is strangling herself but in the other photograph which is being mirrored she is doing a different  movement which is what others are seeing and she is playing the victim in that.

With the photograph I have used her hands to strangle herself, she has placed them against her throat and it looks really powerful and something which would upset anyone who knows this individual it is when she is looking at herself in the mirror and what she sees, so her make up is still tired and feeling worthless. The other photograph which I have taken and is mirroring the strangling photograph is her putting on a necklace for a night out, and this is what her friends and family see her doing they are unaware that when she looks in the mirror she is something completely different and that is what happens with Self Harming victims.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

Another powerful photograph which I have taken is a photo of my individual with her make up and her feeling tired, sad and worthless and written help on her phone and placed it by her mouth, the reason behind why I have done this is because a lot of the time Self Harming individuals do not know how to ask for help they are too scared to ask for help and they worry about what the outcome may be if they do ask for help, they may seem weak and powerless and they would make them feel worse about themselves.

When I was taking this photograph I asked my friend could she ask for help and her responses was what I thought it would be and it was No! I was not actually surprised when she responded  that because throughout this research I have found that individuals do not tell anyone what is happening to them and they do not go and ask for help when they need it mostly. Not only do they need the help but the help is out their to help them and to listen to them but also to gain understanding of what is going on with them.

I feel that this photograph is a really powerful image because she is asking for help even though she is not actually speaking those words she is trying to shout them out and her way to ask for help is to write it down, but not only that but the make up is another thing which is making the photograph powerful, her eyes are all red and she is crying, she looks tired and feels worthless and I feel that her make up is expressing how she feels and that she does want help she just does not know how to ask or how to look for it.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

In my last blog post I mentioned about how I wanted to portray how she felt when she looked at herself in the mirror when she was Self Harming herself, and I have taken more photographs of her, but in this post I wanted to mention about what other people saw when they looked at her .. did they see the tired, worthless individuals she saw or did they see this beautiful. normal individual who is loving life and that is just what they see. Asking her what did her other friends see when she would hang out with them and she said that they did not know what was going on, they thought she was normal and having a great time, she mentioned to me that they did not even ask if anything was wrong because she did not even show anything which would make them question if something was wrong or not.

This photograph of my individual is of her looking beautiful and on her way to meet friends, I have done her make up in a way that she feels and looks confident in herself and is happy with herself but that is just that she is not happy with herself and this particular time but it is confusing individuals, because while researching this I have noticed that Self Harming individuals do not like to tell others that they are suffering they are suffering on their own and they will take time to open up about what is actually happening to them but if they are not ready they are able to hide what they are suffering and are able to put on a brave face to others when they are actually shouting out for help inside.

Self Harming - ASSETS / WORK IN PROGRESS

After looking more in depth about Self Harming and the victim v attacker aspect of it, I thought it would be great for me to try out photography on my individual and see how I could use make up to design a self harming individual but also a normal individual.

What I thought about first and what I asked my friend was what did she see in the mirror when she used to Self Harm, the reason why is because I wanted to be able to portray this through make up. She said to me that she felt worthless, but not only that but she felt ugly, sad, not at peace with herself, tired, she felt as if she could not get better no matter what she did, and the way I have done her make up is I have wanted her to look tired and worn out but also sad and not feeling good about herself, I wanted to be able to portray what she had mentioned to me and how she felt to make a promise to her that I would treat this project with care and respect.

I feel that my photography could have more work done to it but at the moment for a starting point and something to get feedback on I feel that it can only get better from here.

Half of a Face - Ideas

I am not sure who the photographer is of this incredible photograph but I though it was beautiful. I would like to create this in my final project with Self Harming, I feel this would represent Self Harming because the individual is two people the victim and the attacker and portraying that with the make up covering up the pain they are going through and the other side is showing the pain they are going through and I thought it would be a great way to showcase it.

This photograph is beautiful, I love how it is a drag artist and they have made half of his side  this beautiful women which he is by night and then the other side is his day to day face which is what others see, and I feel that Self Harming is exactly this, they are trying to hide themselves or what they have done to themselves so dressing up and covering up their scars is making them feel comfortable that no body knows what they are actually doing, and this is what the guy is doing here, he is hiding the fact that he dressing up as a women.

Mirror Images - What you see and what you really are.

Looking at mirror images, you are seeing things which other may not be able to see. Majority of the time you see an image of someone in the mirror looking at themselves and thinking they are either fatter  than what they are. 

But with the image that I have found it is the other way around, it is a fatter guy looking at himself in the mirror and wishing he was a fitter and slimmer guy that what he is, I thought this was good because it is showing the other side of individuals feeling that they want to change and it is a fresh knowing that it is not only skinny or underweight individuals thinking they are bigger than what they are but it is also overweight individuals who want to change as well. 

The reason also why I liked this photograph was because it was a mirror photograph and experimenting with mirror photographs is what I am trying out for my project and the way they are presenting the photograph, I feel that trying out and looking at other photographs who have done mirror work will make me confident and make me try out more things. 

Scott Adams was the guy behind the photograph and something which he said towards the end of the photograph really made sense he stated ' your mirror is giving you excellent, accurate feedback. Use it to create the healthy, active lifestyle that you want.' 

Self Harming - Ideas - Photo - ASSETS/ WORK IN PROGRESS

With Self Harming there is a lot more than just the attacker stage of things it is a lot more emotional. What I wanted to take photographs of is the leading up to the individual attacking themselves and what they would go through. My friend who harmed herself told me what she was going through when she was about to attack herself and this is what my photograph is portraying.

My friend said that she would sit on the floor and put her head in her hands and what everything to go away, she would think of things in her head such as kill, self harm, death, destroy because that is what she as doing to her body and what she wanted to follow through with, she would cuddle her toys because they would comfort her when she was going through this, she thought they were the only things that could support her. She was the victim and attacker during this because she is the victim in the fact that she did not want to do it and her cuddle toys were trying to comfort her and trying to make her not do it, but the thoughts that were going around her head was the attacker coming through and making things worse for her and she felt the only way to stop them going round her head is to actually follow through with it.

I have taken the photograph in black and white and normal because I was unsure on what would look better and what would represent the self harming aspect of things in a better light, I do like the black and white photograph as I feel the words stand out more and individuals are able to notice them more when they are looking at the photograph.